12/1/10 - Update

I am sitting in mom's room in Charlotte - opera music in the background, mom in the hospital bed next to me. Hospice has just come through to give her a bath and change her bedding.

Thanksgiving was very good, all things considered. Lots of youthful exuberance (Kiernan's girls, my kids, Justin's three month old baby girl Sofia) led the charge in games of chess, croquet, checkers, basketball, and, in Sofia's case, cheerful gurgling. The trip to some friends' to fry a turkey was a clear highlight (as it was last year - once you go fried, you'll never go back!). Kiernan's smoked turkey was - in his own words - spectacular (others agreed), and between the two turkeys even Dad has had his fill of turkey legs.

So all in all a very positive family expience, despite the clearly difficult times. The kids handled their interactions with mom very well, much to my relief (though I should have remembered that kids have an incredible ability to adapt to whatever situations come their way and should not have been as concerned as I was).

As I indicated in my last post, we had been observing that mom was progressing into the final phase, and this progression has continued since. She is now in the final stage of that phase. She has slept almost without interruption for the past 48 hours and has taken little food and water over that period. We met with the head hospice nurse yesterday, and she indicated that once the body no longer wants to eat or drink we should not force it to do so as it would only make things harder on the body. She indicated that mom's body is beginning the process of shutting down and we should allow it to do so on its own terms. Not a surprise, though clearly saddening nonetheless.

Our final mission at this point remains the same - keep mom as comfortable as possible. We have pain and anxiety medication - both in liquid form - that we now administer on schedule (as opposed to on demand). She is no longer on any Chemo regimen. Aside from managing her medication and changing her bedding and the dressing on her wound, we simply spend time sitting with her in her room and remembering all the good times we've had together. A very good friend of mine recently wrote to me that the one blessing of cancer is that it allows time to say goodbye and to grieve. This we continue to do.

Love to all, and thanks for all the support and well wishes.

Ted